I always try to be a transparent person, honest with myself and honest with others. I truly believe we all struggle and sharing our struggles together honestly - albeit difficult- can also help strengthen each other to bring out the BEST versions of ourselves. That's exactly what we need right? We can all use a little self-improvement and strengthening.
With that being said, this is a difficult post to write. With honesty and transparency in mind, I wanted to write about it. Somehow writing about it makes it easier.
This week I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with ADHD.
I know my Holy Ghost warriors are shouting "Don't claim it!" "Don't receive it!"
I'm inclined to agree with you. But- in my mind, getting medical information that helps me understand why I operate like I do is a good thing.
It helps me understand myself better. Having the information can help me navigate through life easier with a greater level of compassion and understanding. It also gives information that we can use to push through towards our victories. Amen? We can gather information from our doctors without taking ownership of every negative side effect. We can pray and bless the medication we take and have faith in God that he will anoint the medication to operate as intended without negative side effects.
I'm still wrapping my thoughts around it all. You know, trying to figure it out how this will effect my superpowers. (You are all probably reading this thinking, I'm crazy or curious to see if this crazy talk is leading somewhere.)
When Josh was enduring the hardest moments of his life he was unable to talk, grasp, move his legs, he was confused and was having seizures on a daily basis. I was helping him and raising two young boys. At they time they were about 4 and 6. AND I was balancing a full time job and regularly volunteering at the church.
Looking back there were a lot of tears. I would call my mom almost daily and cry. We would cry together. I'd say, "I'm not strong enough to do this Momma." Her response was always soft and confident, "Sweetie, You're already doing it." She was right. Everyday we just took it as the days would come. The hard times would end and we'd sleep and start over.
We only managed to get through it with the grace and goodness of God and a strong support group and a great employer.
What If, somehow the hyperactivity managed to fuel my ability to get through the toughest time in my life. What if my weakness was also my strength? That's what scares me.
What about my superpowers?
Will they disappear, will they just get stronger everyday?
I'm not sure. But what I do know is....
In my weakness God is my strength.
I do know that he has gone before me to prepare a place for me.
I do know he will light my steps through this journey I'm about to take.
I do know that I CAN do it. Maybe- like always- we can do it together.
Jen