Just because the relationship went bad, doesn't mean they are a bad person. That also means, you don't have to stay in a relationship with them while they work out their issues.
*I'm writing this letter to my unmarried friends. The marriage relationships are more complicated. We should still expect a measure of respect in our marriage. Selecting the right person when you're dating makes the whole marriage thing a lot easier.*
When we enter a relationship, friendship or otherwise, we should expect a level of respect to be given to us. Each of us have an important role to play in our communities and homes. A healthy relationship would recognize your value and help you reach that goal. A partner should build you up never tear you down.
A healthy relationship is not built on the good nature of a person. A solid relationship is founded when both hearts are connected with each other. Call me an old fashioned romantic, but when his heart beats for hers and her heart beats only for his, together they can unite and overcome anything that crosses their path.
Alternatively if a relationship is built of one's level of goodness the heart connection is missing and the relationship doesn't have a clear healthy direction of growth. We all have great potential for evil and moments of goodness. If we don't really know the condition of a person's heart, acts of goodness and kindness can mask nefarious and evil intent. Empty apologies can sooth our ears, but it doesn't heal a broken heart.
Life is so much easier with a partner. It's most important to find the right partner.
Younger me (before I met the love of my life) was in a relationship with a young man who promised me his future. He still continued to cheat on me and continued to go out on dates with multiple women. Every time he would come home and call me insecure. I was 'stupid' to ever doubt his intentions. He continued to tell me no one would ever want to be with me. This was a young man who carried a Bible to school and attended church.
For years I held onto hope waiting for change and tried to live in the relationship by memories of who he once was. There came a time when I had to demand the respect I deserved. When I told him I was leaving he held me down at the top of the staircase with his hands over my wrists and his thighs over my legs proclaiming it was the demons that were making me leave. In that moment, I knew I couldn't go back.
Looking back, there were a lot of issues with the relationship I was in. First, it was religion based not Christ Centered. A Christ centered relationship would reflect, love, joy, peace, goodness, gentleness, kindness and self-control. The religion was memorized and recited to be used against criticism.
It took years of healing for me to look back at the relationship without experiencing a level of trauma. Looking back now one of the most obvious issues , there wasn't a heart connection. He didn't help me grow to find my place in society. Instead my role in life was to do everything to support him. Who I was made to be had become lost behind the powerful image he tried to present to the public. In secret, my world was broken.
Reflecting back, I can finally say I wish him all the happiness and healing in Christ. In those moments he and I both had some issues to work through. Maybe your relationship isn't as bad as the one I was in, but when relationships are not bound at the heart it can create a dangerous scenario. It doesn't mean the person is good or bad. It only means they have some issues to work through.
Young Single friends, please listen to this: if you're in an unhealthy relationship that is not bound by the heart, you do not have to remain in that relationship. Maybe you're unmarried and giving your whole heart to someone but they're not giving you their heart in return. Sometimes the best thing we can do is walk away and allow them to get the help they desperately need.
I did. Now, I'm living my happily ever after.
You have been made in the image of God. You have been made with a purpose. You have a special place in this world, and we - the world- need you. We need you to shine. We need you to grow. We need you safe. We need you to choose life.